When my brother was about 10 years old, he was extremely excited about the new NFL mini helmets that Sears department store had just advertised in its newest catalog. And believe me; he let our mother know by putting this on the top of his Christmas wish list; in early October. My brother figured that because our mother worked at Sears (not to mention in the catalog department), he knew he was likely to receive his coveted helmets. But there was one drawback; my brother had to wait until Christmas in order to find out whether or not he would get his precious NFL gift. Despite the requisite trip to the mall to tell Santa about his wish, let’s just say my brother wasn’t willing to wait to see whether or not he was going to receive them. He had a different plan; a clever plan no one had to know about.
The Plan: My brother was a brilliant child, and thus he figured out a way to find out whether or not he was going to receive his desired NFL helmets without having to wait until Christmas. As I mentioned above, our mother worked at the catalog department at Sears. In those days, she would purchase our gifts all year round in order to reduce, and spread out the cost of purchasing gifts for her five children. Then our mother would store the gifts in her bedroom walk-in close. There, they would supposedly remain safe from any prying eyes – such as my brothers. Plus, the gifts were packed in their original boxes which didn’t have anything printed on the outside that indicated what was on the inside; it only had printed shipping information.
However, my brother didn’t let such a small detail stop him. He was smarter than that. He figured out a clever way to find out what was in the boxes without actually opening them. In his plans, he would compare the info on the shipping boxes with the shipping numbers in the catalog. Using this method, he was able to figure out all of his gifts well before Christmas. All he had to do now was to wait to unwrap them.
When Christmas finally arrived, our parents allowed us kids to unwrap one present on Christmas Eve. The remaining gifts would have to wait until Christmas morning to be unwrapped.
On Christmas Eve, as we kids were waiting to unwrap our gifts, my brother anxiously grabbed the gift that was the size of the shipping box he had examined in my mother’s off-limits-closet. He slowly grabbed the box and leisurely began to unwrap it. As our mother watched, she could tell something was out of kilter… But she wasn’t quite sure what. Something however, had definitely piqued her suspicion. She would soon figure out what was going on with this odd interaction.
As my brother finished slowly unwrapping his gift, he launched into a contrived monologue about how excited he was to have received the exact gift he had been coveting for some time now. “Wow, what a cool present…” he chimed. However, our mother’s suspicions that something was amiss were confirmed; my brother had responded as though he was reading a bad ransom note with letters cut from a newspaper or magazine.
Our mother immediately asked him in a very stern voice, “Ernie, how did you know what your present was?” She didn’t even ask “if” he knew anything, she had already figured out that he knew ahead of time what he gift was: he wasn’t acting as though he was very excited about an item he had been asking and bothering about since the summer. And here he was, as about as excited as a kid having to do homework. Our mother knew by his lack of excitement that he had already knew what his gift was.
Our mother again sternly threatened my brother, “Ernie, I’m only going to ask you once, and if you’d lie to me, I’m going to return the helmets on Monday.” My brother knew our mother was serious and thus he started to cry, and begin spilling his guts about what he had done. He told her every detail about his insidious plan, and even provided the details about how he had carried it out.
Although our mother was upset that my brother’s shenanigans, in some way she was also impressed that a 10-year-old had almost pulled off such a clever stunt. Perhaps it was this impression that made her punishment for my brother more benign than perhaps it should have been under such circumstances. My brother was allowed to keep the helmet sets, and the issue was never brought up again.
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Ernie Padilla
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pete padilla petepadilla.com